You see a call coming in and your heart starts racing. You need to make a call and you put it off for hours, or days. You rehearse what you're going to say in your head, and then when the moment comes, you freeze or forget everything.
If this sounds familiar, you're dealing with phone call anxiety. And guess what? It's way more common than you think. A lot of people feel this way, especially younger people who grew up texting. But it's not just a generational thing—plenty of people of all ages struggle with it.
The good news? There are real ways to deal with it. You don't have to just suffer through it or avoid calls forever. Let's talk about what's actually going on and how to make it better.
Why Phone Calls Make Us Anxious
Understanding why you feel this way is the first step to dealing with it. Here are the main reasons phone calls can be so stressful:
No Visual Cues
When you're talking to someone in person or even on video, you can see their face. You can tell if they're confused, if they're getting annoyed, if they're actually listening. On a phone call, you have none of that. You're flying blind, and your brain fills in the gaps—usually with worst-case scenarios.
Without seeing someone's face, you can't tell if that pause means they're thinking, or if they're rolling their eyes, or if they're about to hang up. Your brain assumes the worst, and that creates anxiety.
No Time to Think
When you text, you can think about what you want to say, edit it, delete it, rewrite it. You have time. On a phone call, you have to respond in real time. If someone asks you a question, you can't pause for five minutes to think about it. You have to answer now, and that pressure is stressful.
Plus, if you say something wrong or awkward, you can't just delete it. It's out there. That fear of saying the wrong thing or sounding stupid can be paralyzing.
Fear of Being Judged
On a phone call, people can hear your voice, your tone, any nervousness, any awkward pauses. They can hear if you're fumbling for words or if your voice shakes. It feels more vulnerable than texting, where you can present a polished version of yourself.
There's also the fear of interrupting someone, or calling at a bad time, or being a burden. All of that adds up to anxiety.
Practical Solutions That Actually Work
Okay, so now that we know why it happens, here's what you can actually do about it:
Prepare Ahead of Time
Before you make a call, write down what you need to say. Not a full script (that'll make you sound robotic), but bullet points. What's the main thing you need to communicate? What questions do you need to ask? Having a plan reduces anxiety because you're not going in blind.
Also, think about what they might ask you. If you're calling to make an appointment, they might ask for your information. Have that ready. If you're calling about a problem, think about what details they might need. Being prepared makes everything easier.
Pro tip: Practice what you're going to say out loud. It sounds silly, but saying it out loud helps you remember it and makes it feel more natural when you actually make the call.
Start Small
If phone calls make you really anxious, don't start with the most important call you need to make. Start with something easy—calling a friend, calling a restaurant to ask about hours, something low-stakes. Each call you make successfully builds confidence for the next one.
You can also start by answering calls from people you know, then work your way up to making calls, then to calling people you don't know well. It's like building a muscle—start light and work your way up.
Use Notes (Seriously)
There's nothing wrong with having notes in front of you during a call. Write down your main points, questions you need to ask, and information you might need to give. Keep it nearby so you can glance at it if you get stuck.
If you're worried about sounding unprepared, remember: most people won't know you have notes, and even if they do, it shows you care enough to be prepared. That's a good thing.
Take Deep Breaths
Before you make a call, take a few deep breaths. It sounds simple, but it actually helps calm your nervous system. If you feel yourself getting anxious during the call, it's okay to pause and take a breath. The other person won't notice.
Stand Up or Walk Around
If you're on a call, try standing up or walking around. Movement can help reduce anxiety. Plus, if you're pacing, you're less likely to notice your own nervousness.
Remember: It's Usually Not That Bad
Most phone calls are fine. The person on the other end is usually just trying to help or have a conversation. They're not judging you as harshly as you think. Most people are too busy thinking about themselves to notice if you're a little nervous.
It's Okay to Say "Let Me Think About That"
If someone asks you something and you need a moment, it's totally fine to say "Let me think about that for a second" or "Can I get back to you on that?" You don't have to have an instant answer to everything.
When It's More Than Just Nerves
Some anxiety about phone calls is normal, especially if you're not used to them. But if your anxiety is severe—if you're having panic attacks, if you're completely avoiding all calls even when it's causing problems in your life, or if the anxiety is really interfering with your daily life—it might be time to talk to someone.
Therapy can help, especially cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which is really effective for anxiety. There's no shame in getting help. If your anxiety is making your life harder, that's a valid reason to seek support.
Remember: There's a difference between being a little nervous about calls and having a phobia or severe anxiety disorder. If it's really impacting your life, professional help can make a huge difference.
Bottom Line
Phone call anxiety is real, and it's common. But it doesn't have to control your life. Start small, prepare ahead of time, use notes, and remember that most calls go fine. Each call you make successfully makes the next one easier.
And if your anxiety is really severe, don't be afraid to get help. There's no shame in it, and therapy can be really effective. But for most people, a combination of preparation, practice, and perspective is enough to make phone calls manageable.